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New year, new term.
I came back to Boston…alone again.
Every morning when I wake up, loneliness overtakes my body.
Just one single mistake…
My parents refuse to talk to me again.
And you
are not by my side.
homesick is no longer the right term as I am rejected by my family
without a pledge, an engagement, we are only friends
seems like nothing can be done, or undone, to save me from this position
already ran out of solution
just waiting for the time to pass
waiting to get closer to death
一年沒長住在家了…這次回來總覺得未來不見得會待在溫哥華…我成長的家鄉
我人生的第一個十二年在美麗的寶島台灣
我人生的第二個十二年在全世界最適合居住的城市溫哥華
第三個十二年, 真的會在美國一去不回嗎??
以前留下了許多高中和大學的notes…今天把大多數丟了
先丟了沒用的Science 9, 10
再一口氣丟掉了ESL level 3 & 4 and English 8, 9 , & 10.
其實翻開了一看, 這些破英文文章都是我成長的回憶.
畫得美美的插圖加上寫得破破爛爛的文章還有老師無情的分數….哈
但想到未來不知道會身在何處，而且以後恐怕再也用不到這些早已生塵的binder了，我就把他們送進資源回收了
別了，我兒時的回憶。
作曲：陳綺貞 填詞：陳綺貞 編曲：王治平
早已忘了想你的滋味是什麼
因為每分每秒都被你佔據在心中
你的一舉一動牽扯在我生活的隙縫
誰能告訴我 離開你的我 會有多自由
也曾想過躲進別人溫暖的懷中
可是這麼一來就一點意義也沒有
我的高尚情操一直不斷提醒著我
離開你的我 不論過多久 還是會寂寞
別對我小心翼翼 別讓我看輕你
跟著我 勇敢的走下去
別勸我回心轉意 這不是廉價的愛情
看著我 對我說著真愛我
English translation as follow:
I’ve long forgotten what it feels like to miss you
because you occupy my heart each and every moment.
because you occupy my heart each and every moment.
Your every little gesture affects the cracks in my life
who can tell me how free i can be without you?
who can tell me how free i can be without you?
I’ve thought about losing myself in the warmth of another person’s arms
But then, my struggle would have lost all its meaning
But then, my struggle would have lost all its meaning
My lofty thoughts ceaselessly remind me:
no matter how long, without you I will always be lonely.
don’t treat me with exceptional caution
don’t let me look down on you
Just let us continue on this path courageously.
Don’t tell me to change my mind. This is not a cheap love.
Look into my eyes and tell me you truly love me.
Special thanks to Bryan. He did most of the translation :p
and Cindy, for some more minor adjustment 🙂
I’ve been sharing songs with my english speaking friends. My english sucks but I tried my best to translate the lyrics.
If you feel like something can be worded differently, please join me in refining the lyrics translation!! 😀
Special thanks to Bryan, Cindy, and Kevin for helping me refine the translation!
Link to song
其實還愛你
作詞：阿沁/承濬 作曲：阿沁 編曲：陳飛午
作詞：阿沁/承濬 作曲：阿沁 編曲：陳飛午
我討厭 陰天的風 冷的那麼刺痛 只有你 能夠撫平所有的寂寞
昨天的風箏在角落 被誰丟到了路口 我很不想讓你 找到離開的理由
昨天的風箏在角落 被誰丟到了路口 我很不想讓你 找到離開的理由
＊每一夜 閉上眼睛 我看到了惡夢 你微笑 但是旁邊的人不是我
天空切開一道裂縫 直接割到我心中 不想裝作脆弱 也不想愛的懦弱
＃其實我非常愛你 不想失去你 難道我沒有權利說我不願意
你給了他的吻 雖然只有餘溫 可知道我多渴望抓住你的心
△我知道他很愛你 你怕他傷心 我每天假裝開心 害怕你離去
可不可以任性 求求你不要去 藏在我心裡 最後一句 其實還愛你
I am still in Love with you.
I hate the cold wind on a cloudy day that cuts me inside.
As so, my loneliness only you can soothe.
The kite from yesterday, discarded in the corner.
Where is our happy memories?
I really don’t want you to find a reason to leave (I wish you’d have no reason to leave me).
Every night when I close my eyes I have a nightmare.
You are smiling, but I am not the one by your side.
My heart got pierced open by the thunder piercing the sky.
I don’t want to be so frail and I don’t want to love without courage. (sorry this one is really hard to translate, I tried my best!)
I am still in love with you and I don’t want to lose you.
Was even my right to say this removed from me?
Even though the kiss you gave him was only leftover warmth,
Do you know how much I hope to capture your heart?
I know he loves you so much and you don’t want to break his heart,
So I pretend I am happy everyday while worrying that you are leaving me.
Can I be wilful once and ask you not to leave.
Hiding at the bottom of my heart, the last words, “I am still in love with you”.
Last night I was depressed.
I hate long D and there is nothing I can do about it.
This morning I got this link from Kevin…then I cried.
LYRICS:
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Little things I should have said & done
I just never took the time
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Little things I should have said & done
I just never took the time
But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Maybe I didn’t hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I’m so happy that you’re mine
If I made you feel second best
Girl, I’m sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Tell me, tell me that your
Sweet love hasn’t died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied
Satisfied
Little things I should have said & done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
10:15pm
stop surfing on yelp or cheesecake factory menu or I am gonna binge eat!
10:30pm
Craving for a proper meal at 10:30pm?
10:30pm
Sonia, why did you give me a bag of honey rosted peanuts!
10:31pm
Craving suppressed temporarily by guilt. Gonna go take a shower.
….
It all happened in 15mins.
can’t help but feel lonely when my study is not interrupted by chats or fb games.
I think i have attention deficit
Haven’t been feeling stressed out for quite a while. I didn’t realize I was stressed until after I talk to my friends today during lunch.
Had a fight with baby last night. It was something minor and usually I am able to cope with my emotions, but somehow I decided to let it all out yesterday. Usually when I have to say mean things or get angry, my heart aches. The strange thing was even though I sounded angry, I couldn’t feel sadness or heart broken. So I kept saying mean things, kept complaining, just like a person stabbing herself without feeling pain. The things I said made him so upset, and he was quiet all the time. I didn’t know why I wouldn’t stop. I guess I was trying to elicit some emotion from myself so i could feel alive. But no, I was emotionless, and heartless. After a while, we had to hang up leaving all the unhappy feelings hanging. I tried to go to sleep, but was unable to. So I tried to recall the things I studied from yesterday and I couldn’t. I don’t know when I really fell asleep, but it must have been a long time after.
So today I was telling my friends about our argument last night – how I am sick of long D and there’s nothing I can do to change things. My friend felt bad for me and told me I am stressed. That’s when I started feeling overwhelmed by sadness. I didn’t forget about all the good feelings I had for him. It was just hidden somewhere in my heart behind the bookshelves. It was necessary too, so I can concentrate on studying. So during today’s operative exam, I was nervous my hands were shaking. Because I wanted to show that I sacrificed our time together for a good reason. I will not waste the time I spend here – I came here, for a good purpose. Breaking up is not a solution because there’s really no problem btw us except for the long distance. We can only keep waiting, until the Sun comes out, until the day we meet again.
Until then, I will feed myself on your photos, your msgs, your e-mails, your sweet voice.
When I go back, please give me a hug and tell me I’ve done well, it’s all worth it, and you’ve always been waiting for me.
Kevin, don’t give up on me.
Long distance relationship is a hard subject.
After 8 months of practice, things start to get a little funny.
You become more vulnerable towards the end of day.
All of a sudden you don’t feel like having dinner alone anymore, you want to hear someone’s voice, you want some attention, you want someone by your side.
The worst thing is after a while, hearing voices can not make you satisfied…
What else can we do?
Even though I keep telling myself that a relationship is more than just that, but it is so hard to deny that when he is not around, food doesn’t taste the same.
I have many good friends here. They always keep me accompanied. Sometimes I feel like I don’t need him anymore.
But, after a very long day when I finally get to crawl into my bed, I think about you.
After a good night of sleep, I think about you.
我知道這種平實穩定的關係就是我需要的。
I know I am soaring and flying in the sky because I know there’s a place I can come back to.
The place called home.
That’s where I will find your arms and shoulder waiting for me.
隨想 